http://throdizzle.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/73/ Student of Barbara Ganley's Introduction to Creative Writing Mon, 05 May 2008 01:00:38 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 http://throdizzle.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/73/#comment-44 moatman Mon, 05 May 2008 01:00:38 +0000 http://throdizzle.wordpress.com/?p=73#comment-44 I liked the centering of this poem, it almost formed a silhouette of the body rendered in the first four lines. I had a hard time with the abrupt shift from desire to disgust, and the poem seemed very caught up in the narrative. I liked how your end-rhyme became off-kilter when each rhyme pairing was split with a period, for example, "when we first met./ Now, may I remind you, when you bought that awful pet." The strategy makes the rhyme seem less forced and more subtle, the way end-rhyme has to be if you don't want to make your poem sound like Dr. Suess. maddie I liked the centering of this poem, it almost formed a silhouette of the body rendered in the first four lines. I had a hard time with the abrupt shift from desire to disgust, and the poem seemed very caught up in the narrative. I liked how your end-rhyme became off-kilter when each rhyme pairing was split with a period, for example, “when we first met./ Now, may I remind you, when you bought that awful pet.” The strategy makes the rhyme seem less forced and more subtle, the way end-rhyme has to be if you don’t want to make your poem sound like Dr. Suess.
maddie

]]> http://throdizzle.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/73/#comment-43 moatman Mon, 05 May 2008 00:59:14 +0000 http://throdizzle.wordpress.com/?p=73#comment-43 I liked the centering of this poem, it almost formed a silhouette of the body rendered in the first four lines. I had a hard time with the abrupt shift from desire to disgust, and the poem seemed very caught up in the narrative. I liked how your end-rhyme became off-kilter when each rhyme pairing was split with a period, for example, "when we first met./ Now, may I remind you, when you bought that awful pet." The strategy makes the rhyme seem less forced and more subtle, the way end-rhyme has to be if you don't want to make your poem sound like Dr. Suess. I liked the centering of this poem, it almost formed a silhouette of the body rendered in the first four lines. I had a hard time with the abrupt shift from desire to disgust, and the poem seemed very caught up in the narrative. I liked how your end-rhyme became off-kilter when each rhyme pairing was split with a period, for example, “when we first met./ Now, may I remind you, when you bought that awful pet.” The strategy makes the rhyme seem less forced and more subtle, the way end-rhyme has to be if you don’t want to make your poem sound like Dr. Suess.

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