Please read my short story, I know that it is long
April 16, 2008 by throdizzle
2 Responses to “Please read my short story, I know that it is long”
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April 16, 2008 by throdizzle
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I found this piece incredibly imaginative. I also thought it followed your style well. With words like “balustrades,” “simulacrum,” and “pulchritudinous” (I’m assuming that they are real words, are they?). I would never want to read this piece outloud, trying to pronounce “pulchritudinous”
Also, I think that in the mix of these dense and really rich descriptions, you cleverly repeat images such as the tile or the reflection, which I liked. I absolutely loved the description of Miss Atanos. The one thing I will say is that it is a pretty long piece and maybe cutting out some of the description might make it a more fluid read.
andrew-
this version was a huge improvement-it seems like you are really taking into consideration all of the aspects of the revision process. I got a much clearer grasp of Cosmo, the house, and your overall purpose in this draft. The writing is great and it seems like you pared it down a little bit, which really made the great phrases you use Pop! we can talk a little more about this later, but I think clarifying temporality in the piece will be your biggest challenge…you have a whole world wrapped up in here, we just need some clarification in parts about when things are going on in time. more later!
maddie